After a torrid night of negotiations, Hector Gonzalez Romario, finally put pen to paper last night, signing a lucrative one year deal with the Mornington Seagulls.
 The deal said to be worth  a couple of beers after training nights and a pie and chips after a game.
 Hector has joined Mornington after a brief stay at Moe United, which  sensationally sacked him , after he allegedly  became involved in a ball tampering incident at a Moe nightclub last weekend.
Hector yesterday met his new coach Mr Horny Whistleblower and his new President Mr Clive Really. 


Clive Really, Hector Romario and Horny Whistleblower
meet at Mornington Seagulls  HQ

 

 Hector has been spotted talking up his chances of Socceroos selection while
having a few beers at a local bar , chatting with the locals..
He was overheard saying....
"I have never felt better", I  am doing my best, hopefully Guus Hiddink
will be happy with my preparations so far."

I happened to be at the very same bar at the time when i spotted Hector


He should have infact been at training with his club Moe United, but I saw
 Hector having photos taken with family members near the pool deck. Since arriving in Australia Hector
has been keeping a low profile, obviously keen to impress his coach at Moe, Roger Slicker.
 Mr R Slicker has been very happy with Hector's progress so far.
"He has amazing ball skills, he handles his balls better than anybody I have ever seen."
 "Even the legendary Junior Hornaldo never handled his balls like Hector."
Hector is due to make his debut for Moe United against local side Mirboo Athletic on April 1st.
 A record crowd of 900 is expected to turn out to see Hector make his debut.
Coach Guus Hiddink arrives in Australia at the end of April to check on Hectors progress.
 Hopefully these photos of Hector and his family including his four sisters do not effect his chances of making the World Cup squad



                                                                                                                                            pictures©horny.com


* Cortez the Killer is a journalist with the Mirboo South Gazette.

Interview with legendary superstar Hector Gonzalez Romario

There are about 250  packed into the Moe International.  Among them, sound equipment, laptops, cameramen, journalists, minders, translators and Horny Whistleblower: everybody in the room is eager for the interview to start with the legend Hector Gonzalez Romario.

  Dressed in a casual white jacket, black shirt, fitted pants and a pair of classic Italian leather shoes, I’m guessing were not purchased from Target, he gathers himself before the questions begin from the floor:

 ---

Q:        Hector, have you ever thought about changing your
 “Carlos Santana” hair style maybe to a shoulder length
 bob or a plain mullet cut?

A:         No, this is not for me, I love my hair, my hair looks good,
 my hair is a symbol of my strength, yes... for me,
my hair is great!

 ---

Q:        Mr Romario – (Hector interjects: 'Please call me Hector')
– You seem a bit obsessed with your hair?

A:         Yes like I said to that gentleman over there in the
Hawaiian shirt, my hair, I love it, it goes everywhere with me.

 ---

Interview ends –
Mr Romario requests that no more questions are to be asked about his hair.
 Interview resumes.

 ---

Q:        Hector, you have based yourself in Moe,
after arriving back in Australia – do you think
that this is a good move?

A:         Of course, for me it is a good move, Moe has many attractions,
 the young girls of Moe are not bad either.

 ---

Q:        Do you believe you will make Guus Hiddinks final squad of 24?

A:         Maybe, who knows, I will do my best, I am a very good looking man,
 maybe if I do not make the squad, I will go into modelling.

 ---

Hector's minders say Hector is tired so just one final question please

This was my chance to ask the question on everyones lips...

Q:        Hector, is it true that you and Merv Skilton were embroiled
in a three way love making session
 with an ex winner of 'Miss World'?

Amid  scenes of chaos, Hector leaves the building,
bustled out by his minders with no comment, cameras flashing,
 Hector waves and smiles to the stunned press gallery.

---

We will be attempting to obtain a 'live to air' radio interview
with Hector on the 'sHaMoZzLe Breakfast Show' soon and mark my words,
Merv Skilton will be asking the hard questions,such as
" Is it true that Horny Whistleblower's 1970's Afro haircut has been
an ispiration to your current haircut ?"  etc ..

I rose from my bed like a Gazelle, and then the rest of my body followed.  “You’re looking good this morning”, I said to myself whilst looking in the mirror.  Would Les Murray or Heidi Klum be the first thing that I would view on SBS (Super Beaver Station) as I call it.  Luckily for me and thousands of other early risers, it was the German Supermodel Heidi Klum, speaking in her native tongue  “How are u and vot ave vee here Horny” was she talking to me, or was I STILL suffering from last nights vindalooo and copious amounts of red wine.  Anyway, a bowl of  porridge and a cup of coffee soon fixed up my hangover, and we were set for the draw.

Horny Whistleblower gathers information for merv.com.au

Thirty two countries, eight groups of four, who, vot and ver vood the Socceroos end up playing?  The draw was about to begin, a tall German with blond hair and blue eyes began the draw (even Adolf Hitler would have been impressed) “Group F” shouted the German, zeeee Auzzies vill  play  Brazil as well as Croatia,  and then zee Japs.  “Life is like a lump of cheese, sometimes it is old and mouldy and sometimes very smelly” coach Guus Hiddink remarked soon after the draw.  Les Murray added “our biggest game will be against Japan, stopping the legendary Shi brothers Noh and Dip, will be a hard task, as they are very good around the box” (in fact they are very good around any box).  The Socceroos play Japan in their opening game on June 12 in Kaiserslauten.                

December 2005

Mornington Seagulls Soccer Club - End of Season BBQ

'Finger Brown'

The night began with a leisurely game of soccer
and ended with the entire seagull contingent gathering
 in the toilet ruing the fact that they had tasted the home made sauce.
The Seagulls will now have a well earned break
 and will no doubt enjoy their Christmas pudding.
 Remember lads training starts again on the 12^th of January
 at Mills Beach in Mornington.

Simply The Best

Update on Hector Gonzalez Romario:
As mentioned at the end of my last report, Hector has snuck back into the country after being briefly deported back to Chile in 2003.   A musician back home, he is now living in Moe with his mother Maria and his four sisters.  Hector is currently training at Morwell Falcons.  Hector has not given up his ambition to play for Australia in the World Cup in Germany 2006.

The SOCCEROOS
make the World Cup

 Australia v Uruguay Telstra Dome  Sydney  Nov  16^th 2005    

   This report filed by

                      Horny Whistleblower                             

 The south Americans had two early chances to score through Recoba and Lugano ,however both wasted good chances
 with only mark Schwarzer to beat in the Socceroo goal . The game then turned in its head with Guus Hiddink the newly appointed
 Socceroo coach replacing defender Popovic with the much maligned striker Harry Kewell.
Two minutes after the introduction of Kewell a neat move down the left involving Kewell,Chipperfield,
and Viduka  resulted in a goal for Bresciano.  OLE OLE OLE OLE The Mornington crowd of about 70 sang.
Half-time had arrived it was time for another beer ! In the second half both teams had chances to book their trip to Germany '06
 with Morales going close for the visitors, Culina and Viduka both had chances for the Socceroos.
 Extra time had arrived with both teams level, which meant that if no team scored in the 30 minutes extra time we would go into a
penalty shoot out  and sadly more beer would have to be consumed.
 Kewell scored Uruguay missed etc etc until the moment had arrived when if John Aloisi scores his penalty the
Socceroos would indeed be through to the finals in Germany.
   Yeeeeeeeees ALOISI   the Australian who plays his soccer in Spain scores
and the players, supporters, indeed the whole country went SOCCEROO MAD.
 
What a night, what a game and what a result.

Reporter: Horny Whistleblower.

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