.::: s H a M o Z z L eV i D E O  V a u l t :::.

..that's exactly how I feel after eating all that Christmas crap as I try to sing those crap Christmas Carols which mean Jack Shit to me!!.... not to mention the obligations of having to buy presents for for the dickhead relatives I don't really like.. and the mad stress of driving the wife Shirley around in a last minute rush buying presents with money I don't have by the Christmas Eve midnight deadline.. which only makes the big rich store owner bastards richer and us poor consumer suckers poorer and left with loads of crap products we don't really need or want which you'll see outside my house in 9 months time ready for hard rubbish council collection day..

How about giving the Christmas present or money to someone (or animal) more needy than your perverted asshole Uncle who looks at you as if he's needy of you in a way that makes you sick!!..

..apart from all that, it's a great day!..

So spread my Christmas cheer and grab another cold beer!!..

 & Merry Farting Christmas to you all..

Cheers from BiG MERV SKiLTON..

'Twas the night before Christmas.. And all through Merv’s house..

Nuffin’ was a-stirrin'.. not even a mouse.

Stockings were hung round  Merv’s neck like a tie..

Along with a note that said.. "Presents or die."

Children were plotting.. all night in their beds..

While Shirley’s constant whining.. was splitting Merv’s head.

All of a sudden.. Santa appeared..

A sneer on his face.. beer in his beard.

"Santa," I said.. As he laughed and burped..

"You do so much for others.. Do something for me."

"Merv," he said.. "You only whinge & booze..

Your son Marvyn is a thug.. your daughter Paris is a floose."

"Ho ho," Santa said.. "Should I mention your wife?..

with hair like a wombat’s ass.. and nails like a knife."

He climbs up the chimney.. That fat piece of shit..

He mooned me two times.. and scratched his dick.

I heard him exclaim.. As he farted with glee..

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